me

Thoughts on Art Podcast

This is my first podcast. Let me know what you think....

Jeremy Weber

Brooklyn, New York 2009

PODCAST: Thoughts on Art, Session 1

This is my first podcast. Check it out...

Let me know what you think.

Jeremy Weber

Brooklyn, New York 2009

brooklyn sights

here are some photos that i have taken of my new-found home.

Jeremy Weber

Brooklyn, New York 2009

This next one I saw at a museum; much inspiration.

Some Thoughts on Art

Art is an expression of joy and awe. It is not an attempt to share one's virtues and accomplishments with the audience but an act of selfless spirit. Our effect is not for us to know. It is not in our control. Only our intention is under our control. As we strive to make our intentions pure, devoid of the desire to manipulate, and clear, directed to a concrete, easily stated end, our performances become pure and clear. 

Eleven o'clock always comes. In the meantime, may you know the happiness of working to serve your own good opinion. Invent nothing, deny nothing, speak up, stand up, and stay out of school.

Jeremy Weber

Brooklyn, New York 2009

another experiment

Another experiment in photography of myself:

I need a studio...maybe build one?

Jeremy Weber

Brooklyn, New York 2009

An Experiment: Self Photos

Here are some self-photos.

I am trying to dip my artistic hand into photography....I need subjects.

Jeremy Weber

Brooklyn, New York 2009

The First Photo of Myself.

This is the first photo I have ever taken of myself.

Jeremy Weber 

Brooklyn, New York 2009

Two Children and a Child

i was on the subway last night and i witnessed on of the most bizarre events in my young life.

A young woman came on the subway with an infant in her arms; with a young man following, obviously a significant other, or at least the father of the child. She immediately sat down on one of the subway benches and he was aggressively pacing around the rear of the train near to where she was sitting.

I don't recall what she said to him, but he replied with a constant demand..."Give me my son." He repeatedly professed her to "give him his son", but she did not comply. He started to raise his voice and continually repeat said demand. 

These young parents were no older than 20 or 21. They exited the train at the very next stop. As soon as the doors opened, she rushed out and he, still verbally stalking her, followed.

This opened my eyes a tad more to what some people go through. 

I am very happy I moved here. I am trying to find classes in photography. I think more than painting, I am lured by photography. I am going to start taking photos of myself to test out to see if I have any talent.

Jeremy Weber

New York City 2009 

seeing the brooklyn, my brooklyn

i recently moved to brooklyn. i dropped out of school and decided to move to the city to become an artist. i told my parents and they were surprisingly supportive. i haven't told anyone else....well i don't really know anyone else, so there's no one to tell.

i am very excited. maybe once in my life i am confident in a choice that i have made. i am going to take classes and get a job FIRST OF ALL. 

let's hope this works out...i'm nervous, but isn't that a good feeling?

jweb

brooklynite

season confusion

season confusion: a poem

Remember the snow of December 

and the smile of September

See the chill of January 

erode into February

pray for the sun of April

to melt the snow in March

humble turtle: a poem

humble turtle

as the humble turtle peeks to the sky

he gets a peel of dead skin in his eye

as the humble turtle brushes it away

he smiles at the coincidences of this day

as the humble turtle keeps pushing on

he realizes the slow-ascending dawn

and that two hours ago he was standing by his dad

as he tossed his ashes over Mr. Toad's small lily pad.

I am myself alone: a Poem

I am myself Alone: a poem

The wind that used to stagger my stride
now
encourages the fall.

The mind that demanded that I write
now
demands that I fall.

The fall that looked so deep
now
never looked so shallow.

jweb

Haiku of Today and Forever

Sun burns the eyelids,
and tempts me to challenge her,
but I fail again.

jweb

Finding A Public Way Out

I have been thinking about an idea...

Youtube is a significant part of our culture now. You are allowed to post anything you want about any subject matter that you want.

What if someone were to post and upload a video blog of the last days of their life?

It might be an exciting way to end it all. I know that someone would enjoy it.

At least the young people in this world are intrigued by graphic material.

Yes, it would (most likely) be assumed as a call for help. Maybe it is...

Maybe it is a last ditch effort to act as if I (someone) has something to say and people care about it.

More thoughts later....

jwebb

Suicide/Death is approaching....and I don't know which one will come first.

I had food poisoning all day the other day and I literally thought I was going to die. 

I was determined to kill myself before I went to bed if I didn't die before that. I think I ate some bad meatloaf at the dining hall on Tuesday, because Wednesday I was a fucking wreck. I was puking and shitting all day and I could not stop. By the time 7pm came around I could not walk. My back hurt, my face hurt, my throat hurt, my asshole hurt...I was in so much pain.

I got a shit load of pills out of the cabinet when I came home from work (I had to work a double that day...fuckin kill me) and set them next to my bed...and I got a glass of water. Before I could even take a drink I disappointingly fell asleep.

I woke up the next day groggy and fatigued. Killing myself was out of the picture for a couple of hours but I still thought I might pass out next to the toilet if I puked one more time.

Anyway, that was a bad day. 

jwebb 

Waking Up With The Bad Thoughts Again

So..hello to all.

I woke up this morning after a long night of drinking by myself at the local bar.

Why do we continue to wake up and pursue a life if we have no one to share it with?

Do we keep waking up in hopes that today will be the day?

Is there a life worth living?

Do we fall downhill until we produce a family?

Is it possible to raise a child without a cheating lying woman?

Is it possible to fuck a female without getting her intoxicated?

Can I get two shots off with an automatic weapon when pointing it toward my temple?

Does my landlord have to clean up my blood?

How many prozacs does it take to put you to sleep forever?

How long will I choke if I hang myself from my shower?

Should I get itchy rope or cold wire?

Do people know that I want to kill myself when I walk into the gas station?

Do people know that I want to die when I say "a budweiser please."

Must I say "Someone fuck me" in the middle of the bar to get someone to fuck me.

Is there a pill that I can take that will make me stop thinking about sex?

Is that girl in the Toyota looking at me or my car?

Maybe tomorrow will be better?

jweb

Between Classes

So...jweb here again.

I am walking between classes. I had a great Painting 2 class. It was awesome! Until I left the class. I am going to kill someone and it's not myself this time.

I am walking on the lawn between two buildings....minding my own business, getting ready to grab lunch when this guy walks past me and he put his arm out in front of me as if he was going to close line me but then he didn't. He swooped his arm over my head and made a little "whoop" sound. What the fuck! I don't know this guy. He is just another fucking loser going to community college and I have no fucking clue why he would do something like that.

I wanted to immediately kill this guy. I did not care aboutthe consequences. I was thinking of them so I am not insane but I didn't care. I wanted to grab a pen out of my bag and run behind him and stab him at least 37 times in the face. I would attempt not to growl a primal scream before hand so I wouldn't attract too much attention. It would just look like two friends going at it. Hoepfully, I could keep stabbing him in the throat and he could not scream...so by the time that I was finished with said asshole, I could scurry away quickly...no douby dripping with his blood and articles of his larynx.

I think that I could at least get to the other side of campus to my car before anyone saw him there actually bleeding. People would hopefully think I was just hurt or something and I was running to get to the hospital. No one really fucking cares anyway! Everyone is too fucking busy worrying about themselves. No one cares about a dead guy on campus until it affects them. No one cares about the guy who slew the dead guy on campus until he threatens their lives.

So, anyway! That was my story. I am back in my room. I have washed off the blood...haha, and now I am getting ready to watch youporn.com.

I will talk to you soon. Maybe even sooner if I find out where that guy actually lives...then we can have a Patrick Bateman call/blog scene.

Peace,
jweb

Out Of Quarters: 2/2/2009

Hello. This is my first blog ever. I don't know who my demographic is...so I will just keep typing and hope that I find a target audience.

My name is Jeremy Weber. I live in NY. Upstate. I am 20 years old and that's about it.

Another day...

I go to a community college that is right near by my high school. Yippee! I am majoring in Art Education. I think I want to be an Art Teacher. It seems like it would be the best niche for me. But when/if I become a teacher, I have to actually be responsible and make babies which might be a little difficult knowing full well that women do not have any interest in my body or what I have to say. Yippee!

I bet prostitutes want to have babies. Maybe some of them do. I bet I could scrape up some money and have sex with a hooker and attempt to impregnant her. Haha! I want a baby. I just don't want women to cloud the subject. They make great mommies but they are fucking wretched at maintaining a loving relationhip.

Anyway!
What am I supposed to think when I have one professor that says I am a genius and I am wasting my time in community college and then my VERY NEXT CLASS, I have another professor that tells me that I should change my major and I have don't have enough focus to sustain a life in the fine arts? What the fuck! I don't really want to inflict too much pain on people but I would love to "cut his heart out with a spoon". If you can guess what film that is, then you get a thumbs up.

I have been reading Hamlet. Great story. I can't fucking understand a lot of it but I was watching the movie with Mel Gibson and it made so much more sense. To not wake up the next day sounds like a fucking great idea some times. I don't really have the audacity to cut my arms open or even shoot myself in the head...I've never even shot a gun; I would hate for my first time to be on myself. I always thought it would be on a criminal that has broken into my house and wants to harm my family.

Anyway!
I have never been afraid of dying. I always knew it was another step or some shit like that. Living life from day to day is the only way I see it. If you look into the future too much you are just going to set up fucking expectations and then when you don't meet them, you are going to hate yourself for a long long time and there's no reason for that.

If I were to die tomorrow, I would be fine. I got to brush my teeth today and masturbate. I fed my kitten...I smoked a couple of cigarettes...I would be golden. I know there isn't a heaven so I don't have to worry about going to hell, so I am actually quite excited to see what's on the other side.

On that note...I am out. I will speak to you all tomorrow.

Advice of the day:

Cigarettes and strawberries taste like raspberries

Only purchase good kitty litter. Never buy from a gas station.

Take her easy; and if she's easy...take her twice.

jweb